From “Should” to “Want”: Reconnecting with Your Own Values

In today’s professional world, it’s easy to get caught up in expectations. Companies set performance standards, families hold cultural or generational hopes, and society celebrates certain milestones as markers of success. Against this backdrop, many people find themselves living in a cycle of “I should” instead of “I want.”

As a coach, I hear this language every week.
“I should take this path because it’s secure.”
“I should stay because it’s what my family expects.”
“I should put others first, even if it means setting myself aside.”

This tendency is especially common among those raised in more group-oriented and hierarchy-oriented cultures, where prioritizing external approval feels natural. Yet over time, the constant pull of “should” creates distance from your own authenticity.

The truth is simple: when you don’t know your values, you risk living by someone else’s. The first step toward real alignment is reconnecting with your own values.

How to Reconnect with Your Values

Reflect on experiences
Think back to moments when you felt proud, fulfilled, or joyful. What values were present? Now recall difficult or frustrating experiences. What values felt missing or violated? Both the positive and the painful can reveal what truly matters.

Look for themes
Patterns tend to emerge. Perhaps freedom, courage, growth, or connection shows up again and again. These repeated themes are signals of your core values.

Create your values list
Write down words or phrases that resonate with you. It might include honesty, curiosity, family, balance, or adventure. Circle the ones that feel deeply personal and authentic.

Choose your core values
Narrow your list to three to five. Define each value in your own words so it feels specific to you rather than a generic idea.

Live them out
Let your values guide your decisions. When faced with a choice, ask yourself: Am I choosing this because I want to, or because I think I should?

A Shift That Changes Everything

This process may feel simple, but it is deeply transformative. When you begin making even small choices from “I want” instead of “I should,” your life feels lighter and more aligned. Goals take on new meaning because they are anchored in what matters most to you, not in what others have decided for you.

What’s one “should” you could release today? And what “want” might take its place?

#coaching #selfleadership #values #personaldevelopment #growth